How Therapy can help with suicidal thoughts
If you are carrying so much pain and suffering inside that you have had dark thoughts of ending your life, this article is for you.
Firstly, I want to you know that you are not alone. Suicidal thoughts are more common than people realise. In the UK, surveys suggest that up to 20% of people have experienced suicidal thoughts at some point in their lives[1]. These thoughts often arise when pain feels overwhelming and there seems no clear way out.
Before exploring how therapy can help, I want to share a personal experience that shaped my understanding of this.
A Personal Experience
My first encounter with suicide came in my mid-twenties. I was working in a call centre, and opposite me sat Mark (not his real name). We got on well and sometimes went for drinks after work.
One Monday morning, he did not come in. Later that day we were told he had taken his own life.
The shock we all felt was immense. None of us saw it coming. He seemed to be his usual self – not in any visible distress. What was it that made him do such a thing? We later learned he had died on the anniversary of his father’s suicide. He had been carrying something deeply painful, hidden from those around him.
I remember wishing he had spoken to me. I wanted the chance to listen, understand and let him know he was not alone.
Working in Crisis Teams
I later trained as a mental health nurse and spent years working in crisis teams, supporting people who have attempted suicide or were struggling with suicidal thoughts.
It became clear to me that people had suicidal thoughts, not necessarily because they wanted to die, but because they wanted relief from what they are feeling.
Often this includes:
- Emotional pain that feels unbearable
- Shame, guilt or fear about sharing what is going on
- A sense of disconnection from others
- The belief that they are a burden for others
When these feelings are held inside, they can become overwhelming. But when they are spoken and openly received by another person, something can begin to shift.
How therapy can help
Therapy offers something many people have not experienced before. It is a safe confidential space where you can speak openly without fear of judgement.
When working with suicidal people I don’t try to change or ‘fix’ the way they think but rather it is about helping them feel heard and understood.
Here is what working with suicidal thoughts may look like in practice.
1 - A space to talk openly
Therapy should be somewhere where you can say things you have never said aloud before. A trained therapist won’t judge that which may feel frightening or shameful.
2 – Understanding your pain
Rather than dismissing feelings, therapy helps explore where they come from, why they are there and what makes them so intense. This may involve an inquiry into how your past conditioning has shaped the current situation.
3 – Reducing isolation
Being met fully, empathically and compassionately can ease a sense of being alone. People can feel a noticeable sense of relief when they find real connection and realise someone truly understands.
4 – Finding ways to cope
Overtime therapy can help you develop practical ways to manage overwhelming thoughts and feelings. This could take the form of grounding techniques, strategies to regulate emotion or identifying small daily steps to bring stability and calm.
5 – Safety planning
Therapy can help maintain a sense of safety by planning for what to do if emotions become overwhelming. It could involve what resources to use and who to contact in times of crisis.
Where to begin
If this article resonates with you, and you are feeling at risk, please find the courage and strength to reach out for support. This does not necessarily have to be a therapist. You could also consider:
- Contacting your GP
- Reaching out to a trusted person
- Using a support line such as the Samaritans.
A final thought
When working with emotional pain and suicidality, there is an ancient saying that I continually return to:
“If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.”
This saying beautifully sums up what psychotherapy offers. Through the expression of what is internal we can find release and a movement towards freedom.
[1] https://www.samaritans.org/news/suicidal-thoughts-more-common-than-many-realise-new-samaritans-survey-reveals/
